Maya Preisler (girlwithagun) wrote,
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know thyself

for years now I've made a habit out of scrutinizing myself and analyzing my flaws and weaknesses. I think I can honestly attribute this practice to the continued presence of Rhiannon in my life. at first this process required an external combustion source, harsh criticism by one of her priestesses. it was painful. and it got to be even more painful. once I was past the stage of being verbally told my flaws, I moved into the stage where painful events beyond my control revealed them to me. I began talking directly to Rhiannon, and her hand certainly felt quite heavy. but after every wound had healed I found myself more whole, as though an infection had been removed from me. and so I persisted. for certain the process is not entirely internal yet; the universe still prompts me to recognize the spots "I've missed", but it has become less painful. and this is as it should be; I am a crystal in the jeweler's hand, each step of the sandpaper is softer than the last.

like a crystal, although I am more beautiful in my polished state, polishing me does not remove my flaws; it refines them. to remove the flaws in a stone would be to remove what makes that stone different from another. rose quartz is actually the same thing as an amethyst. both are "impure" versions of a quartz, each infused with a different periodic element. if you removed that impurity, you would no longer have a rose quartz or an amethyst. likewise, it is our "flaws" that make us different from one another, that make us who we are instead of someone else. but our flaws need not be negatives that detract from our beauty, they can be refined to make us the best that we could be.

we are each reflections of the divine, and as such our flaws are not terrible things to destroyed, but challenges and strengths we have yet to uncover. we were born with these specific traits because that is what the universe needed. our specific combination of traits is perfectly suited to help ease the suffering of another part of the universe. we are born to be the antidote to another's pain. but if we do not examine ourselves, if we do not uncover these flaws and transform them from weaknesses into strengths, if we persist in lying to ourselves, we will be unready, unwilling and unable to help each other. this is why self-examination and honesty are necessary. as long as we are in denial about who we really are, we are unable to use that knowledge to make the world a better place. in doing so we deny our purpose, our destiny, our identity.
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