Current mood:	aggravated
Current music:	Placebo - Passive Aggressive

thoughts
I decided I really miss the ability to go back and read where I was in my life based on my lj entries. somewhere between most of the people I know being on my friends list and moving to Charlotte, I stopped writing so much. I've given it some thought... and although it's one part busy-ness, it's also one part reluctance to discuss what's going on in my head.heart.life when it involves one or more of you. and I've decided that my desire to remember more of my life and have some sort of reflection and outlet outways those concerns. damn the torpedoes.

and so... in an attempt to post more often, here are some random and not-so-random thoughts.

I'm going to start building things as opposed to buying things. I'm tired of never having enough room or the right kind of storage solutions. so from now on, instead of rushing to fill the pockets of corporate america in a half-assed attempt to solve my problems, I'm going to ask myself if I can make it before I buy it.

I am tired of people not listening to me. now, for the most part, I have good communication with people in my life. but lately I've realized a disturbing trend in individuals to whom I am deeply attatched that devalue me. I'm tired of giving advice that's never taken. I'm tired of being completely disregarded. I'm tired of these people always chosing someone or something else over me, of being back-burner backup girl. fuck that. from now on, if I'm not a priority in your life, you are not a priority in mine. if you ignore me, I will ignore you. if this handful of people can't decide that I am important enough to be listened to, respected, and loved - then they are not important. it's time I showed myself some respect and started expecting others to treat me the way I want to be treated. I'm not going to allow people to hurt me in this manner any longer. it's just too much power to give them.

I hate it when people ruin things by pursuing me. why can't we just be friends? I've got so much stress in my life already that I really don't need to add to the complications by being involved. in the past I've gotten swallowed up in maelstroms of emotion and fucked-upness that pushed everything else in my life aside and left me gasping. that's not a good thing. I need to make non-stressfulness a priority in my life. I need to get my shit together and deal with being me before I can even contemplate being anything to anyone else. and I wish people would respect that. I hate losing friends and potential friends because their unending pursuit makes me so uncomfortable around them that it's just easier never to speak to them again. it sucks.